“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”
-Venerable Fulton Sheen
The beautiful words that Fulton Sheen said always inspire me to live a better life. The truth they hold are always so clear and evident in our society. As I look at the women in my life and community who are married and love deeply, are gentle, not easily angered, are patient, kind, generous, forgiving, don’t gossip and look to God their creator for direction, these women ALWAYS have amazing husbands and phenomenal children. On the other hand, when I look at the women who are always gossiping, not patient, harsh with their language and actions, not forgiving, and only pretend to be kind when people are watching, their children are out of control and have all the same bad traits. Also their husbands seem to be very distant and cold.
Seeing the latter makes me sad and longing to help but often feeling as though I will be laughed at or told it is impossible and I don’t know what they are going through.
What I do know is this, a year before I met my husband I did not love well, I was easily angered, I was impatient, I was not generous, I gossiped and I rarely went to church. But one day I had a breakdown in the bathroom at my apartment and screamed out to God both in anger and frustration. By his grace that anger and frustration turned into tears sitting on that bathroom floor which then turned into the desire to go back to church. In that moment He softened my heart. That weekend I began going back to church.
Everything was not fixed in that very second, my life was still a crazy making of my own will. What did change was my realization that I needed Gods direction and I needed to conform my will to His. Over that year, before I met my now husband, my life slowly changed 180 degrees. I left a job that had a very negative influence on my life and obtain a career that elevated my God given talent and skills. My entire friend group changed and I began hanging out with other young adults who had the same desire to follow God. My friend group did not gossip, so I learned how to see dignity in my self and others. I began to love myself again and in turn love others. Those two things changing began to make me more gentle, I was no longer easy angered.
Finally after a year of change and actually embracing the single life and loving being single God decided it was time for me to meet the love of my life, my husband Brandon. When we meet I was by no means perfect, and obviously I am still far from it, but he saw in me my desire to love and do God’s will. That, he says, was one of the biggest reasons his heart was so drawn to marry me. With Brandons help I learned how to speak without harsh words, I used to curse like a sailer. Since we were good friends we would challenge each other not to curse, so we both broke the habit. We also helped each other to get rid of the sarcasm we would speak. Freedom from sarcasm has been a HUGE gift! By the grace of God and my will to change, even when all seemed impossible, I was then blessed with an incredible husband.
The truth is gossiping was so much easier then controlling my tongue, blaming the world and being angry was so much easier then reaching for joy, loosing my patients was so much easier then being patient, keeping good things all to myself was so much easier then giving my good things to others. Being a woman who is devoted to truth, justice and goodness is not easy. It takes a woman who is strong, wise, knowledgeable, courageous and humble. Also a woman who knows what hope, love and peace are. And it takes trust in God. A woman who wallows in weakness and always pity’s herself will never obtain these things. But the good news is, God did not create women to be weak.
I say all this because no, I don’t know what you are going through, but I know and share what I went through in hopes that it helps. Change is possible with God’s grace and I know from experience if you cry out to Him he will hear you. He will help you. He just asks that you are willing to except His help and with His help make the changes needed.